Singing the Songs Apparently was Not Enough

There I was, a brand-new young singer, singing up a storm, drumming around, helping out, learning what I can, and arriving where I thought I should be.

The drummers and leaders were there, easy to be found when needed. 

But I never bothered them. I didn’t know what to say to them, what could I say? I was young, the youngest on the drum line actually, but still an adult. 

‘What if they ask me something I didn’t want to answer?’

So, I would only sit by Wiggie or Max if they were there, or my older cousins.

I watched and listened to them all [the drummers and leaders]. 

I respected them for their efforts, time, commitments, practices, wisdom, and abilities. It was something I did not have. I listened, learned, copied, asked, and replicated.

I just liked participating and feeling like I was helping out in a way, some kind of way. 

So, I would go to funerals, memorials, namings, anywhere they may need a drummer, I would arrive. 

I thought that ‘in order to become a better ‘helper’ I needed to learn more songs’.

I began to seek understandings as to what we do, why we do, when we do, where we do, etc. 

Our family then had Adeline Miller and Bernice Mitchell, sisters to our grandma. The elders on our side of the family had since passed so these two grandmas were who we needed to ask.

Adeline and Bernice always appreciated visiting and didn’t mind answering questions.  

Questions aren’t always welcomed, even for previous generations. ‘Just do as you’re told/shown’ is a common phrase, or was.

Thankfully, Geraldine Jim, Wilfred Jim, Daisy Ike, Neda Wesley, Aurelia Stacona, and Millie Colwash welcomed students too.

I found myself looking, seeking, and remembering everything I had seen, experienced, and heard throughout my life and childhood being there with grandma, elders, family, and friends.

I heard a lot of songs and could sing along with a lot of songs, so it seemed as though I had learned a lot of songs.

In asking questions though, some elders would wonder ‘how come you don’t already know this?’.

So, I changed my ‘asking’ to more ‘sharing’ about my cultural experiences and upbringing.

It turned then to ‘this is how grandma sang this song’ or ‘did this’ or ‘showed this’, but I didn’t know all the significations. Elders seemed to take to that much better, maybe because my sharings were followed by ‘why do you think she/they did/said that?’

Going to the Agency and Simnasho Longhouses and homes was a way of life, I felt I had to just in case they didn’t have 7 drummers.

All of a sudden, students showed up to learn from me, and here I was a student myself, still the youngest on the drumline.

All of their questions had me questioning more too.

I needed to learn more in order to teach.

I shared what little I had anyway, and they became great singers, drummers, and dancers.

Soon enough though, it was apparent how much I personally did not know sńwitki.

Couple elders sat me down to convey ‘you don’t even know what you’re doing. Maybe you ought to learn the language before you go on teaching’.

I thought of it, for a couple of years.

Continued helping, just to help, nothing more.

Heard ‘you still don’t know the language’ more.

Maybe another year passed, until finally it hit me.

‘Wah, heck with it, I’m gonna spend more time with more elders who speak the language then.’

Soon after, I met Arlita ‘Asil’ Rhoan, Suzie ‘Shikáshnai’ Slockish, Nola ‘Mamáiyat’ Queahpama, and Don ‘Pilaka’ást’ Sohappy.